Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
