He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize