Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
