I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
