Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
