I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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