I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
