Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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