One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
