Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
