so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
