AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
