I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
