I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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