I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
