Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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