Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
