you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
