All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
