I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
