READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's never too late to be topless.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
