I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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