MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
