do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
