i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
