we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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