By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
