I swear she didn't look like that last week.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize