Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
