Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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