I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
