she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
