Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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