just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
