is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
