So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
