Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
