I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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