If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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