took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There r osticjed everywhere
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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