is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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