I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
