you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So apparently I’m into choking now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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