I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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