addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
