sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
