nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
