We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
