How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
