also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
