Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
