walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
