Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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