At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He passed out mid-signature
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
