Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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