What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
