his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
