Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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