I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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