I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
