dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
