Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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